The Motherhood Center: Postpartum Mood And Anxiety Disorders

Postpartum mood and anxiety disorders can affect anyone at any time, but with help, it’s never too late to find yourself again.

Like most new mothers, Paige Bellenbaum was completely out of her depth when she had her son, Max, 14 years ago.

She didn’t know what was ‘normal’ and what was not, so she assumed this was MOTHERHOOD.

And she was miserable.

As a trained social worker, Paige was well versed in recognising mental illness in others, but when it happened to her, she was blindsided.

It wasn’t until her symptoms became more debilitating that she realised this actually wasn’t the norm.

“I was incredibly anxious, I was convinced there was something awful going on inside me, that something I ate or did was going to have a negative impact on the development of my son. I was calling my midwife multiple times a week asking if things were normal or not normal. At the time I didn’t think much of it, I thought that was what it was to be pregnant for the first time,” she says.

After a long and painful natural birth, Max was put on her chest – a moment many mothers soak in – but Paige was emotionally void.

“A lot of people talk about that moment of unconditional love, that this is the best thing that’s ever happened. For me, I wanted him off me, I wanted to go into a dark room and cry and sleep for three days and eat a burger. That’s all I could think about.”

Written for Mama Disrupt® | Read the full feature here.